Tips for bridging the “orgasm gap” between men and women because #VaginaLivesMatter too!
Hey, Sis. There are so many ways to achieve that orgasm you so rightly deserve. If you haven’t found your sweet spot yet, you are not weird. As a matter of fact, only a few of us can reach orgasm by penetrative sex alone. Women’s bodies are so fascinating that they are capable of experiencing this intense feeling in a multitude of ways.
I have a few ideas, but first:
What defines an orgasm in a female anyway?
There are so many ways to orgasm in women that you would never get a straight-forward answer to this. When it comes to getting to the big ‘O’ for us girls, there exists a myriad of options. First, an orgasm does not occur in the vagina alone. It can be clitoral or even cervical. Second, do not go expecting it to end in a shower of fluids like in the movies. Yes, it does happen, but not with every woman. An orgasm is that point where you feel like every muscle in your body is contracting and you’re going to burst open. You may also feel some warmth around your pelvis, as well as emotions ranging from calm to “Oh-my-God-I-can-see-stars!”
Either way, when you finally find it, you will definitely recognize it. Now, the tips.
1. Communicate
If you are looking to achieve orgasm with your partner, the importance of communication cannot be overemphasized. Don’t shy around stating what you want and figuring out how to go about it together. Yea, sex is great but the truth, most people are clueless about the way a vagina works. Communication is how you learn with your partner, together.
2. Keep the foreplay on
Hold off on that final plunge during penetrative sex with ample foreplay. Here, show your partner how and where it feels good. Touch is one of the surest paths to getting an orgasm and there are so many ways to do it. Be open to body kisses, sucking, nibbling, and inventive ways to finger. About this, I found this video really helpful. Asides physical foreplay, mental foreplay is actually a thing. Experiment with having conversations with your partner while making out. Dirty talk? Romantic dialogue? Whatever is your thing, do that.
3. Orals
How about you ditch regular sex for a full session of orals? Studies have shown that a lot of women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm and oral sex has the ‘clit effect.’ Practice prolonged mouth-on-clit motions and let your partner help you find your big ‘O.’
4. Work up your pelvic muscles
A super effective trick to getting an orgasm is by arching your back and tightening your vagina walls during sex. To do this, squeeze the walls of your vagina as though you’re trying to hold pee in. Even if you don’t get an orgasm (yet), it makes for better strokes. Win-win.
5. Take control
Indulge in sexual positions where you are more in control and your clitoris is getting the right impact. This means, more cowgirl and reverse cowgirl positions, woman.
6. Stay present
You will never get an orgasm if you’re too busy thinking about last night’s dinner during sex. No matter how good the feeling, your mind may tend to wander, but don’t let it. You need to train your mind to stay present while you allow your body to enjoy the throes of an impending climax. And, stop looking at the clock. That’s for quickies.
7. Do it on your own
Go on. lend yourself a hand. There is no shame in masturbation and it may help you reach orgasm faster than you can ever imagine. Learn how to make love to your body and feel the rewards of the sensation. Here, sex toys are crucial so that is one more thing you need to add to your next shopping cart. You could also try mutual masturbation with your partner; jerk each other off and see who gets ‘there’ first.
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